what is bdsm

What is BDSM? Guide for New Kinksters

BDSM is an acronym that stands for Bondage & discipline (B / D), dominance & submission (D / S), and Sadism & Masochism (S / M). It’s now used as a catch-all phrase covering a wide range of activities, forms of interpersonal relationships, and distinct subcultures, which include many kinds of role-players and fetishist.

Although through the contemporary media we can have access to everything we want to know, BDSM can still be a very personal or intimidating for beginners. Therefore, we hope this article will provide you with a new perception of BDSM. And maybe next time you and your partner trying BDSM, you will know exactly what you are potentially getting yourself in for.

History

Now the term BDSM was first coined in 1991, and it was used to refer to basically any sex play which is kind of passed as a bit kinky. I know what you are thinking maybe that sort of does not really clarify the phrase, and also the term kinky itself is quite a fluid phrase. I mean what is kinky for one person may be pretty vanilla for another. Even though the acronym BDSM is only a four lettered acronym.

It actually stands for three pairing of letters. And these are B and D which represent bondage and discipline, and then you have got D and S which means dominance and submission, and at the end, you have S and M, and this is sadism and masochism. The reason that we group these letters into their individual pair is that within those pairs you kind of can not have one without the other. And they go hand in hand.

What is each letter in BDSM means?

1. Bondage and Discipline

Of course, if you are still confused we will also explain what those letters especially mean. So first of all, let us take a look at the first few letters we have got the B and the D which represent bondage and discipline.

B – Bondage

Nowadays quite a lot of people know what the world bondage means. However, I do feel like its thrown about a little bit freely and is actually used the way that BDSM should be to sort of cover a lot of kinky play, but in actual fact, bondage is used simply to refer to the act of restraining so whether you are the person doing the restraining. You are the person restraining your partner, or you are the person being restrained. That is bondage. Restraining can be restraining someone’s movement. A service could be by holding their hands during sex played, or can also be using something like handcuffs, but it also includes other sorts of restrictions so wearing a ball gag or an eye mask during sex are all restraining behaviors that come under the bondage umbrella.

D – Discipline

Now there comes to D which is representing the world discipline in this case. Discipline is the act of enforcing obedience through some form of punishment so for example, the dominant partner would set some sort of rule that the submissive partner would have to abide by, and if that rule is broken, there would be some form of punishment. Punishments can include anything, but a great example is something like spanking. Having said that it does not have to be sexual if you want the punishment to be you do washing up for the next week, and that would work too.

2. Dominance and Submission

Moving to the next pairing of lettering, we have in the middle D and S, and this represents dominance and submission. With lots of BDSM play, there is some sort of power play at hand what this does is it automatically puts one partner in control so they will become the dominant partner, and the other automatically ends up being the submissive.

Just a little side note, these roles are not necessarily fixed because you have of course got switches, and you freely move between being a dominant partner and submissive partner usually not within the same play session. Many people actually enjoy both roles equally.

Dominant Partner and Submissive Partner

The words dominant and submissive probably explain themselves quite well but just in case you are not sure. The dominant partner is the person in control. So chances are that they will be the one who is applying the bondage for example, and they will be the one restraining their submissive partner. They are also the one who create any rules and punishments to go with the discipline we have talked about earlier.

And on the other side of the coin, you have the submissive partner. This is literally the opposite of being dominant so this person completely submits to the hands of their dominant partner. They would be the one that is going to receive the bondage so they might well be restrained themselves, and it would also be the partner that would receive spanking or punishment or doing the washing up of the week.

3. Sadism and Masochism

And finally, we have got our last pairing of letters so this is the S and the M. In this instance S stands for sadism and the M stands for masochism so just like the other pair of letters you can not have one without the other and particularly with these two. You really need both in the room to be able to get sexual satisfaction and also to ensure that everything is consenting play.

S – Sadism

But what exactly do those words mean? So a sadist or someone who enjoys sadism is somebody who gets sexual gratification from conflicting pain on somebody else. And completely reverse somebody who is a masochist or enjoyed masochism is somebody who enjoys receiving pain, and they get sexual pleasure from actually receiving the pain from the sadist.

It is pretty clear that there are in a sexual situation where you are going to exploring pain in the bedroom. You definitely need a sadist and a masochist in the room otherwise somebody is not having a good time. So a sadist dominant is like somebody who would type this up and create some sort of rules that they actually want the submissive partner to break, and this will allow them to inflict some sort of pain which is going to get them off so again that punishment could be something like spanking.

M – Masochist

The masochist in this situation is again going to be the submissive partner. They may well be restrained, or they may have been instructed to do something knowing that there is going to be a painful punishment at the end of it.

 

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